AU

[i_favour_you]

Follows this.

It wasn't until he found the beach that he realized they had made it to Cape May. Of all of New Jersey, this was possibly his least favorite place. It was so nice here. Cosy shops, happy people, and homes that cost far too much money.

Also, art supply stores. Sherlock purchases the needle, thread, alcohol, and some glue. Can't look too obvious, even with the blood under his fingernails and the tears in his tee-shirt. Not long after, he parks the stolen car in front of a chain hotel and goes in as calmly as possible to book them a room. His body is vibrating with panic. He can't remain this calm for much longer. Watson is bleeding. She's injured. He has to smile and wait in line and be bloody calm.

He pulls a coat out of the bag of clothes to put over Watson's shoulders once he gets back to the car.

"There's a vending machine and room service," he tells her. "We can get you orange juice and water for the blood loss."

Comments

[i_favour_you]

He looks up from his work as her hand touches his face. Where the last time they touched intimately, he felt sexy and in control, right now he feels lost. He's putting her in danger, he can't lose her, he loves her, he can't---

He reaches up his other hand to touch her wrist, to keep her hand on his cheek.

"I'm sorry I can't fix you properly," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.

[formersurgeon]

"You did fine."

He touches her wrist, keeps her hand at his face, and she smiles, faint and sad. Gently she smooths her thumb over his cheek.

"I know you think this is your fault. It's not."

[i_favour_you]

"They didn't shoot at me," he says. "Clear line of sight, and he shot you. I think that means the target wasn't me."

[formersurgeon]

She knows what that means, and as much as she would want to deny it, she can't. They're gunning for her. They're killing the people Sherlock cares about. That's apparent.

"They want to take me away from you. I'm not going to let them."

[i_favour_you]

"I'd rather you took yourself away," he says. "Another part of the world, but not gone, Watson. We can reunite in months if you're away. But if you're---"

Dead. He can't lose her. She's his support system, especially now that Alfredo is gone. Alfredo and Bell.

She's also the only person he's truly connected to. He's already lost Irene.

[formersurgeon]

"They want to take me away from you," she repeats. "If that's what they want, it's a mistake. And they're not going to stop gunning for me. Would you feel any less guilty if something happened while we were apart?"

If they hand you a box with my head in it? she thinks, but doesn't say.

[i_favour_you]

"The world is a very large place," he says. "We can make certain they'll never find you."

He'd never find her, either. That, he thinks, is the only way to make certain she's safe.

[formersurgeon]

"And for how long? Say you catch these people, then what? What happens the next time someone wants to hurt you, and decides that coming for me is the way to do it?"

She shakes her head.

"If I'm your partner, then I'm your partner. Not just when it's safe, or convenient."

[i_favour_you]

"We'll make certain they don't," he says. "This is different. Two of our friends, dead, Watson. And us out here, hiding. This will never happen again."

[formersurgeon]

"Yes, two of our friends are dead. And we're being hunted. And that revenge you're looking for? It's just as much mine as yours."

[i_favour_you]

"I'd give up the revenge if it would keep you alive," he says. If it kept him alive, it doesn't matter. Watson, though. He thinks what he'd said to her before. He can live with Bell and Alfredo's ghosts, but he can't live with hers.

He's shaking again, and he feels the need to pull away, to hide in his own internal aguish.

[formersurgeon]

"It won't."

He's shaking, and as he starts to pull away, she moves toward him. "No...Sherlock..." She moves her bad arm to take his wrist, her other hand still at his cheek. "Don't. Don't leave."

[i_favour_you]

She moves towards him and he doesn't hesitate to move back, to lean in to press his mouth to hers. There is nothing sexual in the kiss. It is painful, it is desperately seeking some sort of connection when he's losing his grounding.

He aches. He hasn't allowed himself to ache like this before.

[formersurgeon]

She kisses him back with what strength she has, closing her eyes. He's hurting, she can tell, and she wants to help him, to heal him, to comfort him. To seek her own help, healing, comfort from him as well. He needs her, and she needs him.

She lifts the hand on his wrist to his waist, inviting a flare of pain as the muscles pull up her arm to the stitched wound. She doesn't care, she wants to hold him, as well as she can.

[i_favour_you]

Too many people he cares about are dead. He can't lose her. He can't lose her.

His mind goes back to the street corner, to the release of a needle. He considers going out there once she sleeps, to allowing himself just one hit before---before---

Her hand goes down to his waist, and he thinks of how disappointed she would be. How much she's sacrificed, too. He moves his hand up to cup the side of her face.

[formersurgeon]

He touches her face and she makes a small sound. She leans into the kiss a little more, for a moment, then allows their lips to part, keeping her forehead against his.

"You need to understand," she whispers. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I can't live with your ghost, either. If I went away, and something happened to you..."

She shakes her head slightly, again smoothing her thumb over his cheek.

"You think you're the disposable part of this picture. You're not. I...I'm better with you, Sherlock."

[i_favour_you]

"Why?" he asks, his voice just above a whisper. "Why would you say that, Watson?"

He traces his forefinger along her jawbone.

"You're perfect, and that's not a word I use lightly."

[formersurgeon]

"Because it's true."

She turns her head slightly into that touch.

"I'm not perfect, Sherlock. I'm not going to enumerate my faults here, because that's not the point. The point is that what I do, what we do, we do together. We are stronger, better, together than we are apart. And that's true for both of us. When I stayed with you, when I became your partner, I did it for me, as much as I did it for you."

[i_favour_you]

"I know," he says. But she is, and she makes him better for it.

She moves into his touch, and he finds himself fascinated by the skin of her cheek, by the line of her jaw, her neck.

"I feel like I'm being selfish, wanting you here. I don't want you to go. But I don't want you to die."

[formersurgeon]

"You're not selfish for not wanting to be alone. I don't want to die either. But I'm not leaving you."

She caresses his cheek again.

"I don't want to be alone either."

[i_favour_you]

"It's not just alone," he says. "I want you."

He does. And not just sexually. He wants her there, he wants her to challenge him, to question him, to make him better just by being there. It's selfish. He doesn't care. He wants to care.

[formersurgeon]

"I want you."

She does. In every way. She wants him to challenge her, to teach her, to help her see what he sees. To talk with, to argue with, to have her back while she has his. She wants him with her.

[i_favour_you]

Then it's decided. For the moment, at least. She is not going anywhere, and he's not going to push her away.

He kisses her again, this time more slowly, more carefully. Less sadness, more longing.

[formersurgeon]

She's relieved that he listened, that he's not fighting her, for now at least. She kisses him back, just as slowly. She's far from full strength, so she's not going to be the one to push things in any direction, but she's happy to follow his lead, as much as she can.

[i_favour_you]

He's going to get her killed. The way he killed Irene. He still remembers the letter, the one meant for him, that showed how M was following him, had targeted him and the woman he loved. What would happen now if the people following him knew how much he cared for Watson?

Selfish. He's selfish.

When he breaks the kiss this time, he moves his mouth to that place on her jaw he was examining before, and traces it down her throat.